Guest column | Is your therapist on vacation? Here’s how I cope when mine is away. (2024)

As someone who has been dependent on a few head doctors in my day, I feel your pain if your shrink is on vacation this month. Therapists have been on the front line of our country’s mental health crises, and many take a well-deserved break in August. Here are some ways I’ve found to cope with my emotions — and my addictive impulses — when my therapist is unavailable:

1. Get another kind of guru. When my analyst wasn’t around during a crisis, I consulted with a rabbi and reverend I trusted, and a physical therapist helped me through the psychological strains of a back injury.

“Your therapist should not be your sole comfort and confidant,” said Sherry Amatenstein, a licensed clinical social worker in Queens who once did a phone session with a first-time client who was fighting severe depression right after the woman underwent chemotherapy for breast cancer. She suggests identifying other “core pillars” you can rely on in a pinch, like a relative, religious leader, teacher, mentor, life coach, classmate or sponsor.

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2. Shore up support systems. Connect with networks of like-minded people, whether it’s a Mahjong, cycling or worship community. I’ve depended on my weekly writing workshop with creative colleagues, and I launched an annual “Shrinks Are Away” reading, where authors share words to soothe the savage psyche during the month of desertion.

“The more arenas where you feel safe and can be yourself, the better off you are,” Connecticut psychiatrist Vatsal G. Thakkar said. “The goal of therapy is often how to build healthy reliances.”

3. Make art from your agony. When asked why she wrote, a famous novelist once answered, “Because otherwise I’m stuck with life.” Try journaling in a notebook or drawing in adult coloring books. Sign up for a painting, sculpting or poetry course at summer school or a local university. Join a choir, a group for sketch comedy, storytelling or improv.

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“Talk therapy can be insular and myopic,” Miami psychotherapist Justena Kavanagh said. “Sometimes it’s more helpful to share an artistic creation with a wider audience you can inspire.”

4. Suffer well. Although many people go into therapy to get happier, my Arkansas-based addiction specialist Frederick Woolverton (who will be available most of August) advises his patients to learn to “suffer well.” Knowing clients might have a hard time, he helps them prepare, giving homework like listing new coping mechanisms. Someone trying to quit smoking might schedule Narcotics Anonymous meetings, reduce alcohol intake (which lowers resistance), make plans with nonsmokers — or have a nicotine patch, spray, gum or inhaler handy in case cravings hit.

5. If you need a therapist now. Many mental health professionals make sure there’s backup in their absence.

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“I always share who’ll be covering for my patients — in person, on my voicemail and out-of-office email, with their contact info,” said Carlos Saavedra, a psychiatrist in Manhattan.

It’s okay to rely on that designated person, that’s why they’re there. If you’re having an emergency — like suicidal feelings or mental breakdown — of course go to your nearest emergency room or urgent care, or call a crisis hotline. For less pressing issues like loneliness or addiction cravings, “there’s virtual therapy groups and 12-step meetings that are free daily the entire summer,” Michigan psychotherapist Judith Burdick said.

She also suggests trying “bibliotherapy,” immersing yourself in therapeutic books to read or listen to, like “The Drama of the Gifted Child” or “The Body Keeps the Score.”

6. Manage medication. Waiting until the last minute to renew your antidepressant or other prescriptions could add to anxiety. Given recent shortages of drugs like Adderall, some psycho-pharmacologists will offer their patients a prescription for a year’s worth of refills, even for controlled substances.

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7. Take a look inward. “Write a list of things that make you feel calmer,” Chicago psychiatrist Kristen Underhill Welch suggested. “Sometimes it’s getting out of your house, seeing friends, or working out. Everyone’s different.”

My self-care methods include attending nearby book events, exercising (swimming, dancing or taking a daily long walk with a friend) and holding my mate for an hour nightly as we watch a TV show or movie without speaking — so we can’t argue (my favorite mandate from my therapist when I was going through withdrawal.)

With money you’re not co-paying your mental health provider, consider a swim club membership, yoga or meditation classes, or weekly manicure, pedicure and massage. Who knows? It might work so well it’ll kick you off the couch. If not, at least you’ll have something new to talk about in September.

Susan Shapiro is the author of the memoirs “Lighting Up: How I Stopped Smoking, Drinking, and Everything Else I Loved in Life Except Sex” and “The Forgiveness Tour” which comes out in paperback this month.

Guest column | Is your therapist on vacation? Here’s how I cope when mine is away. (2024)

FAQs

Guest column | Is your therapist on vacation? Here’s how I cope when mine is away.? ›

Write Down How Everything Goes While They're Away

Research suggests that writing things down can help you feel better in the moment. Plus, as a practical matter, having those feelings written down allows you to jump right back into doing important work and reflect on them with your therapist when they return.

How to cope when your therapist is away? ›

Write Down How Everything Goes While They're Away

Research suggests that writing things down can help you feel better in the moment. Plus, as a practical matter, having those feelings written down allows you to jump right back into doing important work and reflect on them with your therapist when they return.

What happens when your therapist goes on vacation? ›

Most therapists will give you a few weeks' notice before they take time off. This allows you time to process and talk about any feelings you have about their trip. If you're able, it's best to talk openly about what you are experiencing in the relationship as the absence approaches.

Can I talk to my therapist while on vacation? ›

The short answer is, it depends! Typically, if you're traveling out of state and you will not be physically located in the state of your therapist's license, then you are not permitted to be having sessions with your therapist due to legal and ethical regulations.

What is abandonment by a therapist? ›

They should be careful to uphold the Code so that clients are not harmed by the clinician's departure. When clinicians leave a caseload without coverage by an appropriately qualified professional, it is called client abandonment.

Can you be friends with your therapist outside of therapy? ›

It's natural and not uncommon to feel close to your therapist and want to be friends with them. However, building a personal relationship with them goes against most mental health counseling codes of ethics. It may also impact your therapeutic process and lessen therapy's benefits. American Counseling Association.

Does my therapist think of me outside of session? ›

We are especially likely to think about clients outside of the session if they are in somewhat of a crisis. We may also think of them as part of reflecting on our relationships, since the therapeutic relationship is indeed a relationship. Therapists do care.

Can you text your therapist outside of sessions? ›

It depends. Many therapists do text with their clients — but that doesn't mean that it's right for everyone. It's up to you and your therapist to decide whether to text, based on many different factors (more on these below).

Why can't I look at my therapist when I talk? ›

It's very common for clients to not look a therapist in the eye when they are talking about sensitive material. It may be that a client is shy or they may struggle with intimacy or it may be that because a client is expressing strong feelings they find it difficult to keep eye contact.

Why do therapists stop seeing patients? ›

Therapists typically terminate when the patient can no longer pay for services, when the therapist determines that the patient's problem is beyond the therapist's scope of competence or scope of license, when the therapist determines that the patient is not benefiting from the treatment, when the course of treatment ...

How do I let go of my former therapist? ›

Amsellem says it's best to do the breaking up in person during a session if you've been seeing your therapist for longer than a few weeks. Not only does it help give you both closure, but it's a good challenge if you have trouble ending things or feel like you're upsetting someone.

What to do when your therapist abandons you? ›

You know this because you are living it and feeling it. As your therapist seems to have definitely decided to move on to something else, there's really only one thing you can do: let go and look after yourself; when you're ready, find a new therapist or guide.

How do I get over my feelings for my therapist? ›

Talk about it, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. If talking about these feelings out loud makes you uncomfortable, you can explain them in an email or write them down in a journal for your therapist to read. A professional therapist will be able to handle your feelings and help you work through them.

What to tell your therapist when you don t want to go to therapy anymore? ›

“I really appreciate your time and caring. You've listened to me talk about some pretty deep things and have been so supportive. But I'm starting to feel like I need something different—maybe not even therapy at all.

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